Just Go Left

Season Two

Choosing Joy, On My HeartAshtenComment

I watched the first season of Bloodline in 4 days. I was a woman obsessed: as soon as one episode ended, I couldn’t pick up my remote to push “play” on the next episode fast enough. I love nothing more than a multifaceted plotline, suspense and Coach Taylor (I will call him that forever, even though I know his real name is Kyle Chandler. #ClearEyesFullHeartsCantLose).  I would lay in bed in Atlanta every night, Gatsby by my side and we would try to piece together the plot, episode by episode. When it was over, I was eager for the second season to start….the waiting part seemed to take FOR.EV.ER.

Does anyone else watch this show?! It’s so freaking good. I won’t give away any spoilers but if you like suspense, this is a show for you.

When I discovered season 2 had finally hit my Netflix queue (albeit 3 weeks after it allegedly premiered, harrumph) I was thrilled for the next chapter of the story. Armed with wine and way too many snacks I eagerly got to work plowing through the next part of the plotline.

Apparently I was one of the few who got excited about this new season.

Several of my friends were extremely hesitant to start the second season, fearing it wouldn’t be as compelling as the first.

“What if it’s a letdown?” they said, “I don’t want them to ruin season 1 by following it up with a crappy season 2.”

“But what if it’s good?” I asked them, “you don’t want to miss out on the next season because you’re scared of ruining the last one.”

Never mind that I love a good TV drama and would probably jump off a cliff if Coach Taylor told me to (#TexasForever) but the idea of staying in one season because you’re scared of the next one seems like such a missed opportunity to me.

 Also COACH TAYLOR DOING THINGS.

I guess it’s natural to tune out something that no longer holds your interest or keeps you on the edge of your seat. I felt that way about The Office once Michael Scott left. (But really, didn’t we all?) I can’t help but think though: what if you’re in a season you’re entirely happy with, but other people in your life might not be? Are we allowed to tune out? How much time do we give until we allow ourselves to tune out?

It’s no secret that 2012-2014 were hard years for me. I battled depression and intense social anxiety after a traumatic personal experience. I was living in Atlanta and feeling like I didn’t fit in. Warner got sick and I was just trying to survive. I was in a new relationship after being the “single girl” for so many years and learning how to be a long distance girlfriend. It was a myriad of emotions to feel at once and writing was the only way I could express how I was feeling. It was a season of chaos and uncertainty but mostly it was hell. And I feel like I survived it all because of the amazing blogging community I met along the way; people who suffered and celebrated with me, who I bonded with through writing out how life was keeping me on the edge of my seat. Truthfully, I’m really glad season 1 is over: it was almost as intense as season 1 of Bloodlines. (Sorry, that was a little too dramatic….I in no way compare to season 1 of that show.)

Things are so, so, so different now.

Season 2 is a more mellow season. A settled season. A season of enjoyment and living on a more even keel. And sometimes, I don’t know how to write through that. Sometimes, I feel like I’m tuning out of my own show because there is no struggle, no heartbreak, no hardship to make sense of right now. And really, how many times can you hear someone be all “woo, woo” before you want to slap them? (The answer is not many.) I’m in a place I didn’t know existed: one filled with peace, lots of happiness and unconditional love.

My season 1 and season 2 might be different but I am the same. I still have so much to share, so much I’ve learned about mess and survival and the sheer bravery it takes to get out of bed when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. I still want to connect over how life can toss us around like a rag doll and how you can still come out a brave, badass bitch. I still wonder what will happen next, and if there will be a season 3 to my story but for right now, my season 2 is worth tuning in to and I plan on embracing it, even if Coach Taylor isn’t a main character in my story. (A Gatsby will have to do.)

I’m learning it’s okay to give a new season a chance, even if it might let you down or not look like the season you knew like the back of your hand. I’m learning that I can’t write chaos if chaos doesn’t exist but I can still empathize when chaos exists in someone else’s season. I’m learning not to discredit where I am because where I was seemed so much more interesting.

What’s the moral of this story? More wine and more Bloodline.

Okay, fine. More embracing where you are, less wondering why you’re not where you used to be. Less trying to create a season that doesn’t exist in your life right now….even if it means more “woo, woo” than you’re normally used to.

 And, always more Coach Taylor.