Just Go Left

Lob So Hard: 2015 in a Nutshell

Choosing Joy, On My HeartAshtenComment

I bravely walked into the hair salon on Saturday and told my hairstylist to chop my hair off.

She looked a little shocked at first.  I haven’t let her change my hair in over two years, only letting her touch up my signature ombré and bangs. As she scrolled through the photos I researched on Pinterest she smiled, handed me a cup of coffee and said, “I’ve been waiting for this for a year.”

I kept my cool while she washed and conditioned my hair. I remained calm while she combed through my tangles and sprayed my hair with product. The second I heard the scissors snip the first two inches, though? I started to lose my nerve.

What was I doing?

Was this a bad idea?

Should I stop her?

What if I hate the finished product?

Can I still curl my hair?!

Four inches in I almost walked out on her.  

Was this too much change at once? My hair was kind of my “thing” and if I lost it would I feel like I lost some of my identity?

Would you believe me if I told you this is how I felt for most of 2015? Like I lost some of my identity? I spent so long as the single girl, then as the girl in a long distance relationship, and spent so long acting as the other half of Team Warner. I felt comfortable, like I knew who I was and knew what to expect.

Then, in one fell swoop Warner was gone, Kyle was moving in and the comfort I had found in those parts of my identity were gone. I found myself unsure of how to start over. I looked for balance and normalcy but all I found was change. A different person started to emerge; one who found comfort in long walks and stopped putting other people’s needs above her own. The “single/long distance lady” who could do it all was replaced by a woman who loves sharing her life with someone. The words that once came so easily seemed harder to find among all the change.

I desperately tried to grab on to the familiar, only to find it had turned to sand and was slipping through my fingers. Life started to take on a new theme, a new meaning and the “me” I was isn’t the “me” I am now. It's taken almost a year to grow comfortable in this new skin….dare I say…I'm starting to embrace it?

Six inches later I’m rocking the “lob” (aka long bob), closing a chapter of my life and starting an exciting new one. A chapter written by change and bravery that encourages me to rebuild and discover.

On the outside, it might look like I just cut off a few inches of silly hair, but to me, it’s a year in review: a new Ashten is coming through and the excitement of seeing who she becomes makes me even more motivated to keep going.

Ps: I can still curl my hair. Crisis averted.

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