Towards the middle of summer, I find myself aching for fall. The cruel heat, the humidity that punches me right in the face as I leave my house and messes up perfectly straightened hair start getting old. I yearn for crisp, chilly mornings, big cups of pumpkin flavored coffee and Saturdays spent cheering on my USC Trojans. To me, fall signifies change: leaves changing colors, weather changing from ungodly hot to crisp and friendly, my USC Trojans changing from high pre-season ranks to mediocre at best and my taste changing from refreshing to comforting.
Lately I find myself aching for change, like the anticipatory ache for fall. I desperately want to dive in to all the aspects of my life that seem dull and brighten them up with a fresh coat of paint and a pumpkin spice latte. It's like the urge to break out your favorite booties and blanket scarf when it's 90 degrees with enough humidity to cut through with a large kitchen knife. Starting at those two pieces of beloved clothing, knowing you can't wear them yet is sheer torture, especially when you have the perfect jeans and sweater to match. No? Just me? Ok fine you know I love a good blanket scarf.
Basically? I feel like I'm stuck waiting for my current season to end. I have to be patient.....something I'm good at in some aspects of my life but when it comes to change? Patience is my kryptonite. The worst part? Something deep inside me says now is not the time for change to happen. There is much work to be done before all the things I desire can come to fruition; all I want I cannot have right now. And so, here I am in a season of waiting. I'm waiting for my life to turn from the sweltering heat of summer to the changing leaves of fall.
I've been struggling to find joy in my current circumstances. My heels are digging so deep into the soil of discontent that joy has been slow to arrive. Most days I can't focus on anything but all the things I want but can't have. It makes me anxious, restless and discontent.....aka: not looking for joy AT ALL. But, as it always does, joy seeps in. This time through a conversation with a good friend, who encouraged me to stop digging in and start focusing on the benefits of my season. She reminded me there is joy to be found in this season, even if it isn't the happiest season of my life.
She's right of course, as friends on the outside of your negative thoughts usually are. Hence why having a group of cheerleaders is SO important in my joy journey.
I've decided to use my waiting season to focus on self-improvement: to do little things I enjoy, to work on balance, to work on my relationships, to work on this blog, to prepare for the good things ahead. When I'm done with this waiting season, I want to be the best person I can be when the seasons change. Every day I write out the PERSONAL things I want to accomplish and find joy in checking them off; watching myself grow in the process.
And soon, it will be fall....
PS: I joined Periscope and had my first blog chat with some friends last night and it was super fun. Are you on Periscope? It's actually pretty rad! If you're on Periscope join us at 8:00 p.m. EST for a little blog chat!